Note: the wife had some thoughts and asked if I could post them on my blog for her. I’m a sucker for a hot brunette so I obliged
So, I don’t normally write notes or posts or blogs, etc.but I have come across a situation that I can’t get out of my head. I was talking to a group of ladies about leaving my two boys (2.5 years and almost 8 months) with my husband for a 4 day trip that I will have to take by myself. I was only mentioning that I haven’t left them with anyone for that amount of time ever, and that I would be the one having the problem (withdrawals). Yes, we do babysitters and my oldest goes to mother’s day out during the school year so I’m not some crazy “don’t let them out of my sight for any reason” kind of mom. The situation just hasn’t occurred that I be away from them for an extended amount of time.
I was totally shocked at the response that I received. Things like, “He (my husband) will be eating pizza for dinner every night.”
“Let’s see how well he does the ‘cry-it-out’ method on his own. I’ll call and give him some advice.”
“He won’t do anything.”
What an insult! When did our society decide that dads could do nothing right, and that they are basically useless? Or is this from their own experiences? My husband is an amazing dad and usually manages to get more done in a day with the boys than I do.
I feel for these women. Do their husbands not always try to help when they can? Do they not do the dishes when the sink is full? Do they not make dinner to give their wife a break? Do they not let their wife sleep in on the weekends, do laundry when it needs washed, play with the kids while mom gets something else done or takes a break, help give order to the chaos of the day when he gets home from work?
I must admit that I take my husband for granted. I can’t imagine having a husband that was a “hands off” kind of guy. And honestly, I think if they were given the chance, most of these guys wouldn’t be that way either. I think sometimes we women get so caught up in having to be the perfect, little housewife, in charge of the household, that we forget that our men want a chance to be needed. To help out. To give us a hand when we need it.
I said all that to say this: What kind of society do we live in where we expect dads/husbands not to be involved? Whose idea was it to portray men as stupid, big kids that can’t take care of themselves, much less anyone else? I think our vision of the men in our lives needs to be changed.
My husband is a very intelligent and capable man. He makes dinner usually once or twice a week. He helps with the dishes when he can. If he sees that I’m having a rough day, he will take the kids and let me have a break to get out of the house.
To those women who replied so insultingly, I say: My husband and I are a team. We work together to create the best environment for our children. When I can’t be the mom I need to be, he takes the reins. And when he can’t be the dad he wants to be, I do. It’s not a “mommy job list” and a “daddy job list”. It’s a team effort. Maybe I am spoiled by a husband that wants to be just as involved in our kids’ lives as I am, but to me that’s the only way it works.
In all honesty, even when I am home our house is usually a mess. There is always some kind of laundry waiting to be folded and put away, there are always dishes in the sink, and the floors always need to be vacuumed (we have a very furry dog). I choose to play with my kids over cleaning ANY day. And at this stage in my life, I’m totally ok with it. I try to clean up a bit before people come over but if they judge me because my house isn’t spotless, I probably don’t want to be their friend anyway. I know how to play with my boys. I can learn to clean later.
I have been a “single parent” while my husband was on deployment for 3-ish months. That was one of the hardest time of our life thus far (second only to getting pregnant but that’s a whole other story). When there is only one person taking care of the family at any time, you are in survival mode. It’s a place that we don’t like to be but we deal with it and move on. It’s a place where if my kid eats cookies for dinner and watches too much TV, it’s ok. It’s a place where staying up past the bedtime so mommy or daddy can have some adult time with friends, it’s ok. It’s a place where at the end of the day, as long as everyone is in bed safe and sound the day was a success.
So no, I’m not going to judge my husband if he eats pizza every night while I’m gone, because that’s what I would do if he were gone.I’m not going to throw a fit if the house isn’t spotless, because it’s never spotless when I’m home. As long as he plays with the boys, shows them love in ways that only a dad can, and everyone is in bed safe and sound at night, I’m going to be happy.